Does It Ever Bloody End?

The Struggle, I mean. Why is it that education is a never-ending uphill struggle, and the farther up the hill you get, the more you feel like you’re fighting against the world? Shouldn’t getting educated be as easy a process as possible? Aren’t we the future, and all that hippy crap?

As an opening, that probably makes it sound like I didn’t get what I wanted and I’m all angsty about it. In fact, I got exactly what I was expecting to get (arts in maynooth [MH101]), so I don’t really know why I’m angsty about it. Getting my first choice, psychology in Maynooth [MH106], would have made things a little easier, but ultimately the only difference is now I have to finish top 30 of my class in order to continue. Which is probably doable, considering that out of the 200 or so people that will be in my class, 150 will probably be dossers that just think it sounds cool. Still, it takes away from the relieved feeling of “I got what I wanted”. It seems like almost everyone else has got their future layed out in front of them (or at least believe they do). They’re off to become lawyers or doctors or mathematicians or whatever. Maybe I’m just in a pessimisstic mood, but I can’t help but see all the future roadblocks. If I don’t finish top of my class next year I’m screwed for psychology. Then again, I don’t even know if I like psychology. It’s not like you’re prepared for it at all up to this point. Up until this point psychology has been my goal — and it still is — but now I have to pick two other subjects, which I’ve barely given a thought. Yet if I don’t get into psychology, I’ll be forced to use them as a back-up. So should I pick easy subjects that I can coast through, to allow me to focus on psych? Or should I pick the other two subjects with a mind to making a career out of them if psych doesn’t work out? Or should I just go with what’s interesting and figure it out as I go? Then again the details about the courses are so vague it’s impossible to make a properly informed decision. I mean, what the hell is sociology? The study of societies? Society encompasses everything, so it’s basically a course about everything. How am I supposed to know if I’d like that?

Then there’s accommodation. My application for an on-campus dorm was denied, entirely on the basis of random selection. Which is crap,really. I’m neat and tidy and respectful (when I feel like it) and fairly quiet (when I’m not debating something). I’d pay on time, every time. Plus I’ve always lived quite far from my friends, my whole life, so I was kind of looking forward to this as a chance to have friends right down the hall or across the street. And I got the application in on the day they started accepting them, online. I was probably among the first 10 to apply. But now I have to go through the added stress of researching areas to live off-campus, visiting them, making sure they’re not hell holes, digging up dirt on the landlords for future extortion, etcetera. Hassle.

It’s always been like this for me, too. All through secondary school I suffered with headaches that kept me home over 50% of the time. That’s a lot of time. In Sixth Year, there wasn’t a single week where I came in every day. Everyone — friends, families, teachers — all expected me to fail. Or at least scrape by. I mean, I’m a smart guy, but I’m also lazy. And I’ve got a screwy biological clock which makes it impossible to get to sleep most of the time. So I’d end up sleeping through school hours. WAAY back in first year I actually cared enough to bother my friends for the homework. But then my absences became so frequent and stretched for so long, keeping up with it became overwhelming. Plus I was lazy and I didn’t care. Then I got 405. I actually beat my closest friends in points (granted, we’re of the cynical underachievers  crowd so that’s not too amazing. Still, I was considered least likely to succeed out of all of us). Like I said, I’m probably lazier than the average person, especially in terms of study (plus I had hard-ass subjects. History, Biology and Chemistry all together was a bit of a mistake in retrospect) and I rarely attended school. The fact that I even managed an above average score just shows how screwed up the system really is. Or maybe it just shows how much of a genius I am. Either way, I can’t help but feel that I’ve beaten it, somehow. I got what I wanted, and I didn’t even go to school or work particularly hard to get it. Hell, I probably put more time and energy into this blog than I did into study. Just goes to show there’s still hope, even for the seemingly hopeless.

I’ve never mentioned my absenteeism here before because I figured it would make me harder to identify with. Seeing as how most of the other bloggers were bright young ladies and gentlemen pursuing medicine or law or journalism, I felt I could reflect more of an everyman’s perspective: smart, but not too pushed about the whole school thing. It seemed to work, too. I dunno if any of you were following that Aidan O’Something’s column in the Irish Times, but that (paid) job was actually offered to me, then snatched away at the last minute by some nepotistic editor (ooh, love that sound – nepotistic – rolls off the tongue) who apparently knew the bitch. And then that Aidan punk didn’t have the courtesy to suffer a terrible mishap and let me take over, so I was left with but a broken dream. Although the journalist who contacted me felt a bit guilty about it, so she seemed to give the blog extra media attention. Which was alright. Plus it gave me more time to not study…

I guess this’ll be my last post. Unless I steal think of something really funny or interesting to post about before the next batch of Leaving Certers come along. Poor guys. They’ve got big shoes to fill. Wonder who the new me will be. Maybe it’ll be a chick. Ooh, maybe she’ll be hot. Always wondered what my personality transposed into the body of a hot chick would be like. Undoubtedly sexy.