A torrid affair

It’s just like something out of a a pink trashy novel with a picture of a woman looking wistfully out a window while a sterotypical man hunk stands behind her (the man is atypically topless and has super pecs) sporting a face that is reminiscent of a moose. You know moose face right? Like *Not impressed*. I’ve never seen a moose smile. As a side note because I can’t help it: there’s a moose in my hoose drinking juice, trying to set himself loose from the noose.
So where was I? Ah yes, the trashy novel storyline I was going for…. Well basically.. I’m having an affair with Mr. H. Maths. We have a very turbulent relationship. Having our ups and downs and moments where I can’t help but flee and slam the door behind me in a fury filled rage, “Why won’t you co-operate? You’re some damn stubborn! There’s a reason so many of my friends hate you!”.
But there’s no-one else for me. I won’t settle for his cousin Pass. Pass, while he has some of Honour’s characteristics retains a simplicity which means I couldn’t savour our time together. Alas, think of the life.. No fighting in a relationship with Pass. No sighs of resignation or shrugs of indifferernce when times are tough.
And I like saying telling of our relationship to others. It’s something to be proud of in a way. It’s a challenge, staying with him, but it’s a rewarding one. When we get it right, we get it really right and then well… I’m entirely satisfied (Ahah!).

Having recently come to a conclusion I would like to bring everyone’s attention to the eternal question, what is the leaving cert, really?.
Is it just a necessary step that we must take before going out into the big bad world, or an imperative hurdle that must be climbed before we can ever further our education. Well, what ever the answer I think that it can’t be denied that the Lamer Leaving Cert is a State of Mind. It’s that niggling feeling at the back of your head, the niggling feeling that is constantly there. It pulls on my shoulder as I sit back with a cup of tea, it pleads with me to return to my books if I slam them shut while it is still bright outside/while I am still awake. It’s the voice that is only silenced when I am enclosed in that yellow hell that is my study. Oh complaining encourages it and while the urge to rebel against aforementioned niggle is tempting, I know that the overwhelming guilt with supersede any positive feelings that result from said rebellion.

I am graduating on Thursday. It is an odd and unusual feeling to think that I will never again have a Friday in school. Is it just me or have we actually been in school forever? Sixth year is dragging and dragging and I am finding it difficult to imagine with clarity what is was like to be free on holidays last August.. Stemming from this, I also feel as if I would sit the exams in the morning if I could. Not because I am ready. Oh no, but because this waiting is horrible. The guilt gets larger, why am I even online now? Also my own self confidence diminishes with every question that makes me go,”Geh?”.

Niggling voice is nagging, it is time for me to depart and return to the the previously referred to, yellow hell. Will possibly post with an account of graduation but until then, tally ho.

41 thoughts on “A torrid affair”

  1. “What is the leaving cert, really?”
    A continuous slap in the face.
    Especially when it comes to Mr. Maths. He likes to make me thiiink I’ve finally worked him out, and then comes the *smack* You’re so wrong. You don’t know me at all.

    I’d fail miserably if I sat the exams tomorrow, but I’d do them then just to be finished.

  2. Haha, funny post. Especially because YOU STOLE MY JOKE YOU BITCH! And my jokes are funny, so that was probably a strong move… (but you forgot to put in the ‘Emerald is cool’ tag!)

    Anyway, as much as I would have liked to say “I passed Higher Maths” and be all intellectually superior (’cause, I mean, nothing gets the ladies going better than a guy who can differentiate implicitly), dropping down to Pass is such a relief. I got about 25% in the Mox, so I said “right, nuts to this, why spend all my effort struggling to get the same amount of points I could easily get in Pass”

    But I never realised how easy it was. I came into the ordinary class in the middle of a test, and the teacher was all like “hmm, it’s a bit late to be dropping down. There’s a lot of work and revising you’ll have to make up,” and I was like “f’sho, bizzle,” and then she gave me the test to look over. I did it in about 20 minutes and spent the rest of the class studying for my orals.

    A few days ago, I got hold of the ordinary papers. Finished paper 1 in about an hour, with the only mistakes caused by clerical errors. (Granted, I had all the formulae in front of me, but I know most of them anyway). I mean, I was FAILING higher, and in ordinary, I barely have to study at all. How screwed up is that?

  3. (Heh, that first part came out a little more venomous than I intended =P Sure, t’was all meant in good fun…)

  4. The “in a turbulent relationship with a school subject” bit. In some parts you even used identical wording to my post back on the sixth. (http://leaving-cert.net/english)
    You really hand’t seen that? Nuts, guess I wasn’t being as fresh and unpredictable as I thought =P

    I was only kidding before, though. That was just my crazy way of pointing out the similarities…

  5. I know this sounds like bs but the entire Math piece as posted above was actually written months ago and I saved it to my laptop to use at a suitable date. I do that… So cool aren’t I?anyway let’s not stress and all be friends ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. o gosh i completely know what you mean about the LC being a niggling feeling in the back of ur head. iv spent the last year either studying, sleeping or trying to relax while being engulfed by self-inflicted guilt!!! roll on the 16th of june!!

  7. Chemistry? ๐Ÿ˜€
    That’s my second last, followed closely by Latin.
    The guilt is the worst thing about it I think.. then again it’s possibly the only thing spurring me on at this stage.. Hmm.

  8. Chem’s last for me too. Which is sweet, because the exam before that is German, on the 12th, so I’ve got a solid 5 days of pure chem study

  9. Urgh higher maths… I too have a very turbulent relationship with him..
    Need some help please. I posted my query on the forums.

    Chemistry’s my last exam too.. the minute im finished im jumping on a plane and going to alton tower! [i’m such a child]

  10. Yah, I’m pinning hopes for an A1 in chemistry on the fact that it’s the kinda subject that I can cram easily! My teachers fantastic though so that helps.

  11. yeah I’ve 6 days free before chem exam. debating whether to not study it until then to focus on the other subjects but that could also go really really wrong!!

  12. Mr Maths wears the pants in our relationship. Sometimes he indugles me, more often he’s a dominant, invasive bedmate.

  13. Yep. He’s got a soft, tender, easily bruised side (ie Paper II) but then he’ll about-turn into a cruel and sexually selfish creature. Full of Differentiation… and complex numbers… yurch.

  14. FOR REAL?
    Paper I is a chauvanist pig. Forgets my birthdays. Never buys me things. Sneers at my best efforts to get along better.

    Paper II is my jail shower bitch.

    Stretching the anaolgy? I certainly don’t think so ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Lesson one of analogy manipulation : there is NEVER too much manipulation!

    So basically if we want to secure that shiny ole A1 what we need to do is BECOME ONE PERSON… Fuse our brains.. I’ll give you Algebra, Sequences and Series etc etc in return I get Further Calculus and those tricky part c Vectors..

    Course it might help if my teacher was actually finished the maths course… Hiss:(

  16. I’ll trade my shining charisma for Mary’s elegance. Or Liam’s ability to build disturbing mental images from the ground up until they tower over you like the big black guy in the prison shower who keeps giving you the eye but knows you’re twitchy and psychotic and is afraid to go near you in case you tear off his weiner and keep it as a trophy to remind people not to screw with you, which is totally worth the 6 months in solitary.

    Or maybe I’ve got that down pretty good already…

  17. Oh good, I thought we were the only ones not finished the course. This makes me feel a little bit better. The fact my maths book has beeen dragged in and out of school for the last like week without being used once however, does not.

    (Too tired to really think this through but…) Paper two totally slaps me around. Paper one is nice…sometimes, on occassion. My friends tell me to get out of there now, run while I still can and all that, but I can’t quite bring myself to leave him. I might come to my senses someday, but it’ll probably be too late by then…. ๐Ÿ™

  18. Ah, just dump the loser, Val. A relationship like that’s only gonna end in heartbreak.
    Mr. Maths is a pretentious git, anyway. You don’t need him. Once you get to college you’ll probably be amazed at the amount of effort you put into such an abusive relationship.
    Slapping you around and cheating on you with the other girls. You know what you should do? You should tear his winky off. And then keep it as a trophy to remind other guys not to mess with you.

    (Why do I keep thinking that?)

  19. Paper One is kind and caring- He always lets me be the little spoon at night. If I’m ever upset or frustarted, he’s always there to soothe me with kind words and gentle differentiation.
    I’ve never known such love.

    Paper Two, on the other hand, is a filthy bitch. A dirty slapper. Sometimes he’ll have you thinking you’re best friends, with sexy little Trigonemetry teasers, but then he’ll beat you with a big, greasy set of Probability questions, not to mention the Option question. Building your trust and then- BANG!- dragging you down a dark alleyway at night.

  20. Why’s everyone got such a problem with probability? It’s common sense! It’s the stuff I’ve been doing in my head since I was six! I’d figured out my own methods of permutation and calculating chance before I even knew there was such thing as a calculator with more than 12 buttons.

    Probability was the singular Higher Level question that I got full marks on in the mox.
    All it is is just writing the numbers down and then adding, subtracting or multiplying them together.

    Ya’ll act like your dads never forced you to play poker for hours when you were a toddler…

  21. Yeah well, you were also quoting people most children would never have heard of when you were six. Weren’t you just the wonderchild altogether. ๐Ÿ˜›

    No, it’s one of those sections where either your brain works like that, or it doesn’t. Mine doesn’t. Sure, I understand all the methods when we go through them in class, but when I sit down to a question, my brain implodes. It’s just like, what do you want from me? I’ve never liked questions involving lots of words anyhow. Give me some numbers and say ‘Solve’, and I’m off. Letters, words… they don’t belong in maths.

  22. Sometimes Probability is the easiest thing in the world, sometimes it melts my brain. Hopefully it’ll be the former on June whenever-the-fuck. (5th or something, maybe?)

  23. 3rd.

    And the term is ‘wunderkind’.

    I’ve never really considered the idea that people simply don’t think like I do…
    I think like everyone. I’m practically schizophrenic.

  24. I got a full Paper II today after school. I’m a bit all over the place tbh. He just totally blanked me. Like we were strangers. Like there’d never been anything between us. So confused, and upset ๐Ÿ™

  25. That bastard. I tell you what Liam, you’re worth ten of him!
    Just move on, have some fun with Paper 1’s, they’re pretty easy going and good natured ; always up for it! Then one day you’re realise that you never needed Paper 2 all along.

  26. hey, i just stumbled across this randomly in french class (dont ask!) and i have to ask : are you REALLY not finished the honours maths course?! we finished it before the mocks, been doing straight revision since then.

    and i think probability is a mother bitch!

  27. We started Vectors on Thursday. True story. I’m getting grinds though so Im not too badly off! And to be fair my teacheR does teach well only for time issues!

  28. There’s a 220/221 chance she won’t be best pleased with that comment.

    There’s a 1/221 chance she’ll do you though, so it’s probably worth it.

  29. Don’t appreciate that at all Emerald. Not even a little. Cunt.

    (How the fack did a conversation about Maths spiral into a “Jennie is easy”-fest?!)

  30. In response to your question.
    I find it easier to compare the Leaving Cert to the Junior Cert.
    The Junior Cert was a walk in the park. The Leaving Cert is like trying to cross the Atlantic in a cornflakes box.

  31. hey, i worked your maths love affair into an essay, my teacher LOVED it! she says i should try to get a paper to publish it, would you mind?

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