I’m baaaaack!

Well lads! Been a while since I visited…3, 4 months? Sweet God.  Thats a prime example right there of my fabulous work ethic, all I have to do is come on here and be sarcastic once in a while and I cant even motivate myself to do that. I fail at life. I may have promised the powers that be that I’d post on this site at least once a week. Oh well,  promises are made to be broken. And everyone here is of the one mind it seems, given that my last post was 4 months ago and I’m still fourth or something. Quite the dream team we have going here, eh? Anyway, to my devoted fans who have no doubt been left heartbroken as a result of my prolonged absence, I apologize. I’m sure both of you were devastated.

So things have really changed since I was last here. Its all intensified a bit now, hasn’t it? I’ve only just discovered you can attach images to these blogs, and this sums up the Leaving Cert better than any of my nonsensical ramblings ever could.


Yes. Yes it is.



Ah, back in January twas a different story. The leaving cert was  the bones of 6 months away and ‘Ah sure, its not till June’ was still a viable excuse for doing nothing. The way I saw it, anything could happen in that time.The Omega 3 tablets I’ve been taking all year could kick in, thus magically increasing my IQ by 100points and rendering me a supergenius. Exams could be cancelled due to lack of interest. I could achieve Enlightenment and become one with Buddha. Celestial wisdom is a guaranteed 600 points surely? Bud alas, none of this was to be. Now  there’s just a handful of weeks away and panic is really starting to set in.

The Leaving Cert has gone from a distant enemy to Serious Business.  It’s all starting to kick off now, for want of a better, less clichéd phrase. We had Pres (or Mocks if you’re outside of Cork). They went ok for me to be fair, got around 500 i think, but there were way too many B3s for my liking. I was gutted with English. Now, I wasn’t expecting an A1 but I didn’t think I’d just be scraping the B either. I failed the comparative. Yeah, the easiest section in Paper 2 and I failed it. In an ill advised moment of utter idiocy, I thought I’d be able to wing it in the exam, clearly myself and winging don’t mix.  I forgot who wrote the Plough and the Stars,thats how bad it was. Still in shock that I managed to fail it though. To quote Ralph Wiggum ‘Me fail English? That’s unpossible!’ On the flip side, got an A in Biology. Awwwwwwh yeah.

After that bit of fun we moved on to the next pit of hell: The Orals. (Dun Dun Duuuuuuun!) My Irish examiner…sweet Jesus. Talk about the ice queen. The worst thing she did was act to be nice when we met her in the morning, because we were totally taken unawares in the oral. She did not show one bit of emotion at any point in my exam. Not a smile. Not even a flicker. My Irish teacher said the oral should be a ‘píosa craic’. Well, this was more like a witness statement.  But the oral itself wasn’t to bad, the questions were fair…there was a bit of an awkward moment when I forgot how to say ‘I’ll be 18 in two weeks’. That’s probably when she realised she was dealing with an imbecile. Oh well.

My French oral actually went waay better than expected. My examiner was so nice, and she was actually enthusiastic. Although in fairness, if I was getting paid I’d crack an aul smile too.  But then she asked some fairly, shall we say ‘eccentric questions’. She asked me what my favourite colour was, and why. Seriously, who over the age of 6 even has a favourite colour, much less a reason? The best I could come up with was ‘….green…its…natural??’ FML. And somehow I got drawn into talking about my history project. You try translating ‘Walt Disney’s contribution to WWII’ into French. It ain’t pretty. But overall, I put the effort in for both of them and I think they went ok, all things considered.

I have my Ag Science Oral on Friday, which shall be a different story entirely.  Yeah, that’s what my teacher calls it, an oral…how well do you speak farmer? If only, I’d pass that with flying colours. I think they’re going to be looking through your project and asking you questions on all of it. This is a project I threw together like a month before it was due, and it has been subsequently erased from my memory. And if I don’t do well in this interview I can be accused of plagiarism, and banned from doing the Leaving Cert. Er..pressure much? And the worst part is, I don’t know if I’ll even be called for interview as they only take a representative sample. Ugh, suspenseful week ahead. Oh, no wait, THIS is the worst part. If,  by some severe stroke of bad luck I get called for interview, I’m representing everyone else in my grade bracket. So if I do badly, not only will my grade suffer, I’ll be letting the side down….anyone wanna forge a doctors note for me? Or give me bribe money?

Well, this is coming up to a thousand words now, you’ve probably had enough of me for one post. I’d best be getting on with something anyway, been procrastinating long enough. Oh well, this is sort of studying…paper one English? Right?


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