Leaving Cert Anger, Rage & Frustration. Finally.

Simmering Rage. It’s all I feel these days.
I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling almost nothing but angst, frustration, annoyance, resentment and vehemence as the dreaded Leaving Cert draws ever closer.

I can’t quite explain why I feel so very tumultuous and irascible, I’m usually not quite this ill-tempered and downright crabby, but the feeling’s starting to take over my very being.
It’s wholly difficult to even try to shake it off for brief spells, even when that little voice inside my head’s telling me to be polite and tolerable. It follows me everywhere.
Everything’s starting to blur into one big Leaving Cert-related nightmarish haze, and, I guess, anger’s a much simpler emotion to deal with than fear. Or study guilt. God I hate fear and guilt. Idiotic emotions which really ought to be beaten with a large stick.

The exams start in less than 3 weeks. That’s like, 20 days away. It’s so close, words are actually beginning to flounder a little- something I’m not quite used to!
I loathe my life right now. Abhor it. Detest it.
Why me? Why do I have to sit these stupid exams again? My confidence was pretty shattered last August when I didn’t manage to get the results I needed for Medicine, so going through it again is starting to really antagonize me. No matter what I do, I can’t shake off the feeling that I blew my chances last year. So, yes, there’s a little bit of self-disgust thrown into the mix, but it’s still fairly overshadowed with the burning rage and anger.

My intense hatred and annoyance is evident in pretty much every scenario.
There’s the ones you’d expect- Screaming bloody mercy at my parents when they tell me to study, crumpling up notes when I can’t grasp a concept fully and flinging them in every direction, throwing assorted stationary and books at anyone who comes within a five metre radius of me, storming out of rooms, slamming doors, retorting with nothing but sarcasm and malice when anyone talks to me about pretty much everything and, of course, throwing the meanest of dirty looks at anyone who so much as glances in my direction.

As if all that wasn’t quite enough, there’s even more worrying trends starting to settle in.
The other day, for example, in a certain class, I envisaged nothing short of murder.
One incompetent teacher who’s failed to do his job throughout the year has finally worn my patience down to such a tiny nub that I almost cracked. I just wanted to stand up in front of my peers and, rather impolitely, ask him to go suck a lemon (Or some alternation of that at least). I’d have had no qualms smashing a large, heavy object of his tiny skull during that moment of heated rage.
Luckily, I’ve still got splashes of self control dabbled here and there, and wouldn’t have liked to taint my quiet, polite image so late into the year. My lips remained pursed, but I’m sure my face reddened to a pretty great extent. There wasn’t really any particular reason- just a year of terrible teaching climaxing. I’m refusing to venture near any more of his classes- that’s it, I’m done. I’d get more done studying alone. In fact, sitting in a corner humming away to myself would probably be more productive and beneficial than steaming away in a classroom, fantasising the elaborate death of an incompetent fool.

Also, in school recently, I nearly had a nervous breakdown and went all Karate-Kid on a group of  pretty innocent 6th years for, eh, saying my name. Oh, how I wish I was exaggerating.
One of the many downsides to being a female in an all-boy’s school is that you tend to stick out a bit, you tend to attract a bit of attention. Ergo, chanting “Jennayyyyyyyyyyyyy” at me whenever I pass by was bound to happen sooner or later. Just like the impending slap someone’s going to get if they don’t shut up, THANKS. I’m not even joking- just the foolish idiots I’ve never talked to knowing my name and making use of it has irked me to a massive extent.

This very evening, the school’s award ceremony heralded great results for me. Finally, I got a bit of recognition for the fact that I’m actually a total nerd- something which my old school didn’t really seem to give a toss about. They were all about non-academic stuff like “sport” or “music”- what the hell are they? Tonight, I, JennieSwotFace, was given the honour of being awarded, eh, cheap plaques, for my outstanding academic ability in the fields of Maths, Irish and French. Suck on that everyone else.
Should I be delighted, falling all over the place in utter spasms of happiness? Probably.
But, instead, I’m horrified. Three certificates for my greatness- three misspellings of my name. Who on earth is “Jenny”? Idiots! And, more importantly, where was my English award? Damn it, I know I’m good. I’ve only gotten A’s all year (and last year!), unlike most other plebs. Thanks there English teacher- you were lying STRAIGHT TO MY FACE when you told me my Personal Essays about Idealism and the likes were super-amazing.

Not even is all my red-hot, smoking venom directly Leaving Cert or school related like this.
I got really angry on Tuesday with the weather. What an absolute OAF for deciding to just get deliciously hot and beautiful when we shouldn’t be outside. Shaking my fist at the sky and firing expletives here there and everywhere was my only option.

I started ranting at the television a little earlier too, for not having anything good on. We seem to pay Sky for nothing- it’s just the SAME episodes of Friends, Scrubs, Two & a Half Men and Everybody Loves Raymond being played over and over and OVER again. WHAT DOES IT EXPECT FROM ME? TO LEAVE? TO GO STUDY? IS THAT IT? Ridiculous, useless, over-hyped: All words which sum up “Sky”. Sack of fools.

And, the final dodgy anecdote for this evening- My parents weren’t around last night and I was left to fend for and fodder myself when I got home. I screamed at just about everything in the kitchen. I ended up firing my (rather traumatic) dinner in the bin for being too tasteless and bland. I could’ve added salt, but it was much more enjoyable to make a scene, even if I was alone. The cereal I had instead tasted much better that way.

On top of all of this aforementioned anger though, there’s some sort of relief. Not only do I get quite the fix from being an angry psychopath most of the time, but I also know that this feeling’s linked with the Leaving Cert which is coming and will be, ultimately, going. YES! I knew the rage and angst was going to surface soon- I just bleedin’ knew it.
Roll on the Summer! Quick, before I explode…

21 thoughts on “Leaving Cert Anger, Rage & Frustration. Finally.”

  1. Wow, compared to you I sound like I’ve got it pretty together.

    And I was singing a song I didn’t know the lyrics to last night around 3am in a torrential downpour in an abandoned playing ground with a bottle of brown stuff with Chinese on the label that I still don’t understand. It tasted like rotten prune juice and ethanol.

    I’m fine on the psychological front, though. I get out my frustrations through acute self-sabotage.

  2. Would it be a hazard to my health to ask you if you’re heading out saturday then? 😛 I kinda want to avoid bein killed by L.C. rage…

  3. Hi!! Since you’re having a little rant about incompetent teachers I’d thought I’d join you!! I’d just like to point out that if you’re going to become a secondary school teacher you should
    a) like to teach groups of chatty, disruptive teenagers!! It is part of the job knob heads!
    b) Know about your subject (That is including maths teachers of Leaving Cert who are still learning to add themselves)
    c) Telling all your students they will never pass an exam and are resigned to a life as cleaners is not the way to go about motivation!
    I hate teachers..especially in our school where they can’t teach and want you to suffer also as a result of their retardedness!!

    That felt good!!!

  4. I love this post. It’s like everything I’ve wanted but am too lazy to articulate these days.

    I can totally empathise RE the inept bastard/”teacher”. Many’s the pencil I’ve snapped in the frustration that is English class. (I hope that sentence made grammatical sense, I’m quite tired) (also, I haven’t had an English class in almost 18 months)

    Keep it up! The voiceless angry are counting on you!

  5. Oh my gosh don’t get me started on “teachers” who can’t teach. Like seriously the clue is in the name TEACH-ers!!! if you can’t/won’t teach then why become a teacher????

    My bio teacher spends at least 20 minutes at the start of each class trying to look really really busy cos he doesn’t want to teach us. He starts rearranging stuff on his desk and moving books from shelf to shelf and powerwalking out of the room and back in with a “gosh life is so stressful” look on his face……EH HELLOOOO!!!! We’re the ones about to do the biggest exams of our lives that will change the path of our futures irrevocably forever!!!!!! PLEASE TEACH US!!!!

    *deep sigh* thanks it felt good to get that out there….now back to work!

    and please forgive the excess of exclamation marks. I feel quite strongly about this!

  6. My Eng teacher does the EXACT same thing! Comes in late, bustles around busily, avoidng eye contact, fucks off randomly when no one’s looking… prick.

  7. grrr it’s so annoying!

    yeah sometimes he’ll just walk out of the room and not come back till the last like five minutes and we’re all sitting there wondering where he’s gone and if its possible to cover three quarters of the course in two weeks by ourselves!!

    The problem is though that he’s actually such a sound guy. He just seems to have given up teaching!

  8. Ugh…teachers.
    Some of my teachers are amazing, and do so much more than they really have to for us, and then there’s the others who you just wonder what they really wanted to do in college, didn’t get, and ended up in a school.
    My old maths teacher used to spend half of the class bitching at us about how crap we were, and how we were going to fail. She had a chip on her shoulder about south-siders, particularly those in grind-schools/private schools. She’d always work this into her rants. If she spent half the time she spent bitching about how bad we were, actually teaching us, maybe we wouldn’t still be trying to finish the course. She’s now been replaced with the nicest, most ridiculously hot male teacher, so I suppose I can forgive her for abandoning us with like 6 weeks to the exams 😛
    My Irish teacher is a bit odd. She’s a really, really great teacher in some ways, but she’s a scatterbrain, and is never on time. We only ever have 25 minute Irish classes. Sometimes she comes, opens the door, goes off and never comes back. She also spends faaar too much time with the OL people in the class. How many times can you go over ‘Gealt?’ like. Ugghhh.

  9. Mixed level class? Yikes! I do think Irish teachers just come a bit scatty… Love my one though. 🙂

  10. My business teacher was like that. Except he didn’t even have the courtesy to fuck off. He’d just draaaaaaaaag things out, talking as… fucking… slow… as… possible… and… (“is that choon gum, dere? Put tinda bin, please.”) … jumping on… any chance… to waste… time. The roll call would seriously last like 10 minutes, and then he’d spend the next 20 checking that everyone hadn’t done their homework and giving slow-motion rebukes. The last 5 minutes was dedicated to giving us homework for next class.

    Business is boring enough subject without such tomfoolery. My school days brightened up considerably after I dropped that class.

    Woodwork was similar, but that was less boring and more a chaotic maelstrom of chisel-fights and sabotaging each other’s projects…

  11. hahhhahahaha slackers!! ur all jus making shitty excuses for ur inability to study. u shouldn’t rely on teachers to clothe u from head to foot. teachers r only their to reinforce concepts of information that u should already know… ever heard of anything called independant study? i got into medicine last year by being self-proficient with my OWN resources and only relied on the teacher’s as backups. that is how i got 700 points in the lc which is only a cognitive challenge that tests ur memory…jaysus u lazy buggers!!

  12. Too many blaydin’ comments to reply individually to them. Basically though, that’s a lot’a teacher-complaints. We all have them- the fools.

    I’m in a mixed level Irish class, but it’s mainly HL and we get all the attention. Plus, I LOVE that teacher.
    French is a whole other kettle of fish though- the OL Students get 10 times as much focus as the HL ones. But still, meh, it’s enough. Too much french and I’d just be angrier than I already am.

    I’m off to punch a wall. Laterz all.

  13. hahahahah have fun 🙂 break a finger or two, then u can skip the lc cause u feel so strongly about it. what a psychotic BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for lazy buggers like jennie who’ll never get into medicine with their incompetent attitude enjoy the downturns of failure!!! but for those with good attitudes towards the lc, listen up “ONLY RELY UPON THE TEACHERS FOR HELP IN CLASSES WITH CONCEPTS U STRUGGLE TO COMPREHEND, OTHERWISE 99% OF THE TIME, DO THE WORK BY YOURSELF!” can i make myself clearer to ur pesky complaints jennie and those infected parasites? if ur like this then theres nothing stopping u from getting 600,700 or even 800 points. success in the lc depends on how much each person is willing learn and how well they can relay that info on examination paper! god this country is full of shitheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol

  14. Oh God, “semen” again.


    Dude, if you won’t even give your real name or email address, then why bother posting? Because I’m a “bugger”? And psychotic?
    Oh, mercy, mercy, me.

    Here’s some nice advice for you- get on with your life and stop crawling back to LC blogs to make yourself feel useful and superior. There comes a time when you have to move on.
    Best of luck with the medicine, the patients will probably love you. Even if they are all just a pack of “shitheads”.
    Gosh! You’re blaydin’ hilarious!

  15. Still seems like a gobshite. A few weeks ago my DCG teacher said he couldn’t do a drawing that’s on our course because “it’s as if you need a degree to understand this”. Teachers are fantastic! I like the blog..

  16. Peadar Hanratty

    You seem to have a lot against the school you’re attending, wherever it may be :P. Im sure its a very nice place with lovely students and teachers!

  17. Haha, trolling is one thing, but this guy just sucks.

    We’re complaining about teachers wasting our time, and he twists that into bullplop about us having an ‘inability to study’. He displays unprovoked hostility and actually calls Jennie psychotic (super exclamation mark string)
    In the other post, he’s all like “I’m a practising physician” and now suddenly he’s only just got into medicine last year?

    The objective of trolling is to piss off as many people as possible. Not make yourself look retarded.

    I mean, he’s got some effort put into it. He’s trying to take the doubts and fears around failing the LC and wield it as a psychological weapon. He’s got some theory down. But his delivery and follow-through are disappointing.

    I give him 2/10. Maybe 3/10 if he chose a less obvious name than ‘semen’.

  18. Peadar- I think I love you. Have my babies?
    Use “that” face. You know the one.

    And Emerald, yes. He sucks. The semen guy, that is. I’m sure there’s at least a tenuous link there between the name and his general sucking.

Leave a Reply