The Final Stretch, the sweet smell of Summer and GUILT.

The Leaving Cert is now literally just around the corner. Can you smell it? Touch it? FEEL it?
Me, I can almost taste it; it’s but a baby’s breath away at this stage. I can’t decide whether to be extremely happy that we’re almost done, or extremely freaked out that it’s so close, so, naturally, I’ve spent the last week in utter denial.

It’s that time of the year again where my extremely mild hay fever is starting to act up (Barely, but enough to moan about), where the sun’s still shining away when I get home from after-school study and where I just want to run off into the horizon and avoid reality.
Oh, how fast this year has passed!

I remember going into my current school at the end of August, about a fortnight or so after my results, for an interview with the Deputy Principal to see whether or not I could repeat there. I was in a horrible mood, gloomy and grumpy as you like, really not wanting to waste a year in the godforsaken place. To say I was in a horrible mood would actually probably be an understatement- I’d a big mad/sad face on me and it was clear to everyone I’d rather be anywhere else. The secretary sensed my extreme displeasure as she was handing me forms to fill out and smiled at me and said “Jennifer, it’ll pass by in a flash, you won’t even notice it!”, and how right she was. Well, apart from my name- I mean- Jennifer? How disgustingly official.
Yes, I know parts of it dragged on and I’ve often felt “Will this ever end?”, but looking back on it all, it hasn’t felt like I’ve been in the school as long as I have.

I don’t regret repeating (although I will if I don’t increase my points, so this statement is liable to retraction). I can almost definitely say I’ll appreciate college more after this year- watching all your friends swanning off to learn about things they’re really interested in while you’re not moving on at all is a bit torturous. There’ve been some good points- I’ve gotten to know Waterford. I’ve matured a little bit, maybe. I’ve met some lovely new people, which is always nice. Of course, I’ve had the displeasure of meeting a lot of utter idiots who I can’t wait to see the back of as well, but I think it’s best to focus on the nice people I’ve encountered. I also feel as if I haven’t exactly learned anything new and interesting to be honest, which isn’t a very nice feeling.
But all in all, it hasn’t been a wholly afflictive experience.
I won’t be sad to see the back of it, not even slightly, but that’s not to say it won’t hold a limited amount of good memories. There are people who’ve bandied around statements like “It’s been the best year of my life!” and “I love it here!”, but they’re the kind of horrible optimists which Grace mentioned in her last post, and everyday I’m thankful I’m not one of them.

Honestly though, where’s the year gone? Telling myself we’ve plenty of time left is all I can do. Denying the Leaving Cert’s my last resort.
I’ve spent the week in and out of school- mainly out. I stuck it out for the day on Monday and Friday, but that was it. On Tuesday my friend and I “mitched off” school pretty early to go spend the day studying in the library instead (We’re rebels, us.) Wednesday involved me leaving after the first 2 classes because I felt, eh, tired. And on Thursday I actually slept in until 3.30pm so, seeing as school ends at 3.10, I thought it’d be a little late to make my way down.
It’s usually easier for me to tell myself there’s nothing to do and thus do nothing than actually face up to reality and do things. Oh yes.

However, lately, I’ve been feeling weird about it. Generally, I’m quite delighted to do nothing, but all of a sudden I’m being hit with this strange feeling. “Guilt” I think it’s called. I don’t know if any of you’ve encountered it yourselves, but it’s like a sort of remorse of some description for committing some wrongdoing. I don’t really understand it, but I can’t shake it off. It’s a little voice in my head telling me to go study Chemical Equilibrium instead of watching television. It’s the niggling feeling I get when I’m having an internet-binge that, really, I should be getting to grips with vectors. Recreational reading’s become something of a chore as I can’t help but tell myself that if I want to read, it’s got to be about the likes of the Common Agricultural Policy. Exercising? Don’t you mean learning about the history of the Irish language? Why write texts when you can write essays appreciating the poetry of Michael Longley? You don’t need to spend time with your friends when you have French grammar. Sleep is for the weak- Anyone who knows anything knows that perfecting your knowledge of Evolution’s where it’s at.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to shake off.

Tonight, my plan is to completely master the disgusting Irish poem “Uirchill an Chreagain”. At some stage tonight or tomorrow, I’m going to report back to the blog saying whether or not I did it. If not, I’ll let you all ridicule me in comment form. Alright? Alright.

Until then- Get off the internet and do some work! Wasters, the lot of you.