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BREAKING: new revolutionary exam procedures

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Thanks to that one supervisor who handed out the wrong papers to students last year, (costing almost €2m and forcing 60,000 students to reschedule their plans) we now have a whole new set of exam procedures brought in specifically because of this supervisor. source; evening herald

Front Side Up

For the first time ever, you, my friends, have the privilege of receiving exam papers front side up. Yes, you heard me correctly. Front side up. This is a radical new shake up which will have massive implications for all involved.

this side up
photo credit: TheTruthAbout…

Supervisors will now have to make sure text is displayed facing your face and they’ll also have to ensure a blank page is not facing your face as has been the tradition for decades. This revolutionary new procedure will require all supervisors to undergo strict training with immediate effect to avoid a repeat of the 2009 fiasco.

Massive Implications

It could also have a significant impact on your leaving cert results. Previously, you had to wait for the supervisor to signal the start of the leaving cert to flip over the paper. That took time not only flipping the paper but allowing your eyes to focus on text. Plus you had to read the text to make sure it was the right paper AND verify what questions you had to answer.

With these new procedures, you can do all of that BEFORE the clock officially starts, saving you time.

Reaching for anew...
photo credit: Ev0luti0nary

Not only will you not have to flip the paper over, you’ll also be able to implement what is known in leaving cert underground circles as the ‘strangle page’ technique – a technique which allows you to extract information from page 2 whilst ‘strangling’ page 1 by pressurizing it with both hands to the desk.

Paper is transparent to some degree so if you apply force, you will see through one page to the next and be able to read questions whilst not actually turning the page. So technically you’re not breaking any rules.

Up until now, strangle hold technique could still be used, but you had to be able to read backwords.

Idiot Proof Packaging

Other radical new changes involve new ‘idiot proof’ packaging for exam papers plus a large, clear phone number on the packages for supervisors to call in case of emergency. Step by step instructions will also be provided on how to distribute exam papers and how to collect them.

Unconfirmed Reports

Our sources have also told us that supervisors will be provided with a panic button, a whistle, a soother, a magnifying glass, a sat nav and preset alarm clocks. 20/20 vision will also become a mandatory requirement for new supervisors with non 20/20 supervisors gradually being phased out from 2010 onwards.

Starting this summer, supervisors will also have a team of independent consultant professors on hand to verify correct papers are being handed out at correct times.

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