“Can one desire too much of a good thing?”

I have finally completed my full week of school and I can honestly say it feels like it’s been about a month. You may remember in  my last blog I mentioned I hadn’t felt the panicky sick exhausted leaving cert feeling that I’ve been told about. I’m afraid to say I spoke to soon.  I’ve been waking up at 5 in the morning unable to sleep anymore because my brain doesn’t know how to switch off, feeling like I might collapse from exhaustion followed by a bout of shakes which makes it hard to so much as walk let alone write! This is usually all over and down with before break at 11 but all the same it’s not enjoyable.

It’s just turned ten and I forced myself to stop studying for the night. I’ve gotten into this horrible habit of studying for hours straight and only being able to finish on a certain page or time etc. and if I’m not on that particular page or at that particular time I have to keep going for another half hour! Slightly OCD yes.Stupid Amy! I did say the leaving cert stress was getting to me. That’s the thing about wanting something so badly you don’t want to risk anything. Everytime I daydream in class I say to myself * I’m going to remember this exact moment in time that you were dossing and it will haunt you if you dont get into university!*. As I’ve mentioned before I want to do journalism in England. I’m sure some people are wondering what I’d do if I didn’t get it and the the honest answer is I ask myself that question everyday. It’s not as easy as here where you study for your points and you either get it or you don’t. In England it’s the whole personal statement and really it almost feels like they will accept you on whether they like you or not. As childish as it sounds in a way it makes sense (well, to me anyway). This personal statement is either going to make or break me. My opinion changes on it daily. If England decides I’m an unpleasant person and refuses me entry then I will…………………………………………… probably ermmm, yeah, so, well. Yes, if it’s not clear I have no idea. I’ll probably apply to Trinity, DCU and UL on my Cao but the chances of me ending up at any of them are slim to none. While I’m here  feeling sorry for myself, apologies to all the med UCAS-ers whose deadline is quickly approaching, I wish you all the best of luck 😀

A small part of me finishes that for the leaving cert what everyone did was just disappear for maybe 4 months and in this time all you did was study and work and cover the course for all your subjects, alone I might add (except for teachers of course). Have no contact with other people, no social life, relationships, piss-ups anything for these few months. A bit like Big Brother without the cameras, other people and alcohol.Then just sit the leaving cert and have it over and done with. But then I think would there really be a challenge in that?

The exhaustion is hitting again so I really think it’s time to lie down with my novel from the comparitive study throw on the script and reeeeelaxxxxxx, but of course I’ll have to be finished at exactly the right time and on the right page so I doubt it will be relaxing….