Stress of the leaving cert

I don’t know if this is the stress of leaving cert highlighting my personal problems or if it’s this fragile age we’re at stuck somewhere between adults and spoon fed kids in school but my life has taken a real downturn this year with financial and other burdens associated with my family, so much I’ve learned and been shocked at, so many family deaths, so much I had to COME TO TERMS with, so much fucking worry and on top of that was this rote learning exam looming ahead of me that most of the time, seemed to pale significantly in comparison with the other stuff going on in life but it still had to be a priority. Sitting in french, memorising essays about hobbies and schools while trying to also find solutions to fix the problems ailing my family and I were not easy. I was so bloody fed up. And like every other leaving cert student I felt so scared and so pressurised that I would let everyone around me down, as I was set to pursue a prestigious course in a very prestigious university outside Ireland and I was so fucking scared I wouldn’t meet the (very high) entry requirements and now more than half way through my leaving cert, I doubt I did but I don’t care anymore…and I’d get so motivated in school and promise myself to work hard and I’d come home, confronted with the reality that is my life and exams and study would be put to the backburner as I tried to cope with the other stuff in my life. Continuous assessment would have been SO MUCH more beneficial this year, as I would have been working in a school environment where my workload was broken down and I could properly manage my life and I’d be away from the distractions that are my problems. I’m just so done. This is such an outdated system that has OBLITERATED my love for so many of my subjects, even the subjects I’m good at, as I had to put unnecessary pressure on myself to learn exam techniques and “tricks”, and whatnot to avoid getting a result I didn’t deserve. This is a very rambley rant. But yeah. Had to get that off my chest. I wouldn’t repeat the leaving cert in a million ways, even if it meant I’d have to find different pathways into the course I want. Thanks for negatively impacting on the mental health, creativity and love for learning for Ireland’s future leaders. My government has let me down.

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